Sunday, November 22

How to make a movie like 'Twilight Saga: New Moon'

Reactions: 

  1. Have the protagonist repeat lines like, "I will never ever leave you" and "You are my reason for breathing" at least 10 times. Heck, have some other guys repeat it too.
  2. Ensure the lead actors talk like they're out of breath. Ensure that they look in the mid-distance and not at the faces of people when doing so. Thus something like, "I care for you" becomes a much more dramatic and intense "I... care... for... you..."
  3. Have men take off their shirts and sport six packs where possible.
  4. Prepare shots such that when the leading man and lady kiss, they do it in a way that resembles people without arms desperately trying to satisfy a nose itch on a rough surface.
  5. Whenever the supposedly-hot male lead appears, ensure he stands in an SRK like pose, so that you only see him in a semi-side profile.
  6. Have an awesome story line that has (gasp!) touching moments like the leading lady showing her willingness to die for the main man and vice versa.
  7. Throw in some vampires and werewolves. Garnish with special effects and more corny one-liners.
  8. The movie is served and ready to be consumed for your puking pleasure.
Again, if you go in with low expectations and your brain switched off and your patience turned up to max, this is probably something that you're going to enjoy, but I thought it stank. Don't waste quality weekend time on something like this. Get some sleep instead.

My rating: 2/10

(Image courtesy: www.soundonsight.org)

4 comments:

  1. Why to make such a movie anyway. Aren't there enough movies about vampires who glow in dark?

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  2. Well, a good movie can make any subject believable and interesting. Something New Moon failed, IMHO.

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  3. Dude you completely ruined the movie for me. Not that I'm complaining, but I was the only person laughing in the theatre coz every scene I kept thinking about this review, right from looking in mid distance,the side profiles, nose itches... Though the movie was amazingly boring I actually had a blast laughing.....

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  4. Haha, but that's what the movie was. A collection of visual and verbal cliches.

    ReplyDelete