During the coming month you IPL-crazy husbands may receive a number of complaints from your cricket-indifferent wives. The following post contains some good responses that may deliver you. Or leave with you a black eye. Godspeed.
Complaint # 1: "I can't watch anything else during prime time."
Response: "If you really think about it, what is 'prime' time? 8, 9 and 10 can hardly be called prime numbers seeing as how they are divisible by numbers other than themselves and 1! 11 is the only real prime number in the vicinity. By the correct definition, the match ends exactly when prime time begins! Give or take half an hour!"
Complaint # 2: "I don't like you looking at strange women."
Response: "They're not strange. That cheerleader is Connie, this is one is Linda, and the wildly heaving one is Jane."
Complaint # 3. "This tournament is too long."
Response: "It's not too long if you think about it! It's just a little over a month - shorter than our honeymoon!"
"Our honeymoon was only two weeks? Really? Why are you crying?"
Complaint # 4: "I can't sleep. At night you keep mumbling, 'Dada should be captain'."
Response: "Hello! Shouldn't he be? I mean... McCullum? Seriously now!"
Complaint # 5: "Isn't this affecting your work?"
Response: "I'm doing this FOR work! Last year the promotion went to the guy who helped the boss win the fantasy team competition. I'm already at #2 on the leaderboard for this year."
Complaint # 6: "There's no quality time anymore."
Response: "I agree. For real quality, it's Test cricket all the way. This new generation will be deprived the pleasures of a beautiful forward defensive stroke or a well-judged leave outside the off stump, but such it goes. Grace has yielded to strike rates and beauty has acquiesced to urgency..."
Complaint # 7: "We don't ever get out of the house."
Response: "We went to the restaurant with the large screen last week. And the sports bar with the wide screen the week before that, and that TV showroom last month..."
Complaint # 8: "You don't listen to what I'm saying."
Response: "Of course I do. You asked me to change the lawn and mow the baby, right? Just kidding. Ok, back to the TV - Mandira's saying something to that bald fellow."
Complaint # 9: "I need a vacation."
Response: "I was hoping you'd say that. Here are our passports and tickets. We're going to South Africa. Surprise!"
"Why are you crying again? Are you throwing those passports into the fire? Stop!"
Complaint # 10: "I never get to use the internet anymore."
Response: "But I have a blog - and no one really reads it till I write about the IPL!"
Note: This is a work of fiction. Pure fiction. As in, stuff like this has never happened and resemblence is surprisingly co-incidental and all that.