I'm a sucker for funny sounding headlines and the British chancellor for the exchequer provides for many such hoho-ops. Take this one for instance: Darling pledges business support. A Google news search provides many more opportunities to bounce the ol' belly.
Friday, October 31
Tuesday, October 28
Caferati LiveJournal results are out!!
For those looking forward to the Caferati Livejournal results, they are finally, FINALLY out!
Two of my entries have made the shortlist. Please vote for your favorite blogger. Remember 10 is highest rating you can give. :)
The formatting is awful, so I've reproduced the same here with the relevant voting links. You need to sign up with Live Journal before voting.
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Entry 211 - Dead Man's LiveJournal (Vote here):
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Entry 229 (Vote here):
Excerpts from Vijay Mallya's diary
(Somewhere in May 2008)
Another loss. Got piss drunk. Broke some bottles of competitors' booze and had a few swigs of RC. Blanked out. I hate cheap whiskey.
Awoke to Rahul's sms. Says he's not going to play the game anymore. What a relief. Finally, I can replace that white elephant. Need to make travel plans to Goa to poach some Rajasthan Royal team members for next season on their Goa vacation.
Note to self: Check cockpit glass in the flight. Never know what happens.
Worried about Gian. Says he's unhappy and not performing because he doesn't have NFL cheerleaders rooting for him. I told him I pay him a bomb, and he can go get whoever he wants to cheer. He said not a good idea. Look what happened to Cristiano, he says. Am pissed again, need to speak to some presswallahs.
Broke some more competitor bottles and spoke to the press and took a dig at Aguri. Always helps. Pretended like I know a lot about F1. Am so smart, drives me crazy sometimes. Feeling a little better.
Another day, another disaster. Heard SAB Miller's coming out with a brand to take KF head on. To think I named my team after one of their brands. Should have just called them Anitquity Blue Bangalore like I originally planned.
Was pissed again, so spoke to the press again. Feeling much better. Based on Rahul's sms that he's not going to play, said that Rahul and Charu didn't listen to me. Also said that I wanted Misbah and some 'others' in the team. Hope it makes me look good. Love it when I talk like I know stuff.
Note to self: Support ladies sports more. Working with so many men is definitely not my thing.
More bad news, I looked at Rahul's sms again. He said he's not going to play the blame game anymore. I hate cheap whiskey.
Vote here
Two of my entries have made the shortlist. Please vote for your favorite blogger. Remember 10 is highest rating you can give. :)
The formatting is awful, so I've reproduced the same here with the relevant voting links. You need to sign up with Live Journal before voting.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Entry 211 - Dead Man's LiveJournal (Vote here):
May 20th, Youth
I was born today. Maybe not this year. But today.
June 14th, Youth
Love has lost its sheen. The birthday was bloody. Told them all it was an accident. Wonder how they think 15 exactly same-sized wounds are possible through an accident. Age can seem any old statement seem sane.
April 4th, Youth
It happened again. The dream. The paper cutter. Still with dry blood on it. The screaming in my soundproof music-cum-self-torture room. C’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon! The music cuts through me, way deeper than the stupid knife ever can. Je vous aime, je dois partir.
April 17th, Youth
Road kill. Today it was just a dog. Still the flesh on my car seems to be morphing into fingers pointing at me, making it out to be the guy I might have run over years ago. It was just one glass of rum with some Cola. Couldn’t have been the drinks. The fucker shouldn’t have run across the road while I was blinded due to the overtake. I shouldn’t have fuckin’ pressed the pedal to the floor for the next 25 mins in sheer high speed panic. What could I have done if I had killed him? I had alcohol on my breath. Everyone lost. That bump still wakes me up at night. Was it a limb or a head?
April 20th, Youth
I hear the shame through the day. Not just the night. What can you do to make up the fact that you might have killed some one and were too chicken to find out? Love is all around. Yeah right! Lord, send me an angel to protect me and hug me when I hold myself behind locked bathroom doors. The shame will always persist.
May 20th, Middle Age: Birthdays. Tales of woe. Birth. Just reminds you that you were non-existent before this day. Makes you wonder when the last one will come, and what becomes of you after that. Will it be a shark bite or an avalanche or some stupid thing like cancer that makes you seem infinitely less heroic?
September 30th, Old age: Lost my breath. It’s no laughing matter. No flashing life-in-a-moment, just a major reduction in brightness, contrast and volume. The movie of your life may be only a switched off fucking TV. What if death is nothing but a scam? What if you just… die? Where does that leave you and me and our stupid code of bloody living around in morals and shit?
February 11th, Old Age: Anniversaries. What do they mean but the mathematical equivalent of anything important? Miss Jones and Mr Smith so and so did so and so this day. Big, fucking deal. Diaries. What are they good for? Release? Or public thinking? Either way, this Live Journal is now dead. And so is its writer. Hello paper cutters, meet Mr. Radial artery.
Vote hereI was born today. Maybe not this year. But today.
June 14th, Youth
Love has lost its sheen. The birthday was bloody. Told them all it was an accident. Wonder how they think 15 exactly same-sized wounds are possible through an accident. Age can seem any old statement seem sane.
April 4th, Youth
It happened again. The dream. The paper cutter. Still with dry blood on it. The screaming in my soundproof music-cum-self-torture room. C’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon! The music cuts through me, way deeper than the stupid knife ever can. Je vous aime, je dois partir.
April 17th, Youth
Road kill. Today it was just a dog. Still the flesh on my car seems to be morphing into fingers pointing at me, making it out to be the guy I might have run over years ago. It was just one glass of rum with some Cola. Couldn’t have been the drinks. The fucker shouldn’t have run across the road while I was blinded due to the overtake. I shouldn’t have fuckin’ pressed the pedal to the floor for the next 25 mins in sheer high speed panic. What could I have done if I had killed him? I had alcohol on my breath. Everyone lost. That bump still wakes me up at night. Was it a limb or a head?
April 20th, Youth
I hear the shame through the day. Not just the night. What can you do to make up the fact that you might have killed some one and were too chicken to find out? Love is all around. Yeah right! Lord, send me an angel to protect me and hug me when I hold myself behind locked bathroom doors. The shame will always persist.
May 20th, Middle Age: Birthdays. Tales of woe. Birth. Just reminds you that you were non-existent before this day. Makes you wonder when the last one will come, and what becomes of you after that. Will it be a shark bite or an avalanche or some stupid thing like cancer that makes you seem infinitely less heroic?
September 30th, Old age: Lost my breath. It’s no laughing matter. No flashing life-in-a-moment, just a major reduction in brightness, contrast and volume. The movie of your life may be only a switched off fucking TV. What if death is nothing but a scam? What if you just… die? Where does that leave you and me and our stupid code of bloody living around in morals and shit?
February 11th, Old Age: Anniversaries. What do they mean but the mathematical equivalent of anything important? Miss Jones and Mr Smith so and so did so and so this day. Big, fucking deal. Diaries. What are they good for? Release? Or public thinking? Either way, this Live Journal is now dead. And so is its writer. Hello paper cutters, meet Mr. Radial artery.
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Entry 229 (Vote here):
Excerpts from Vijay Mallya's diary
(Somewhere in May 2008)
Another loss. Got piss drunk. Broke some bottles of competitors' booze and had a few swigs of RC. Blanked out. I hate cheap whiskey.
Awoke to Rahul's sms. Says he's not going to play the game anymore. What a relief. Finally, I can replace that white elephant. Need to make travel plans to Goa to poach some Rajasthan Royal team members for next season on their Goa vacation.
Note to self: Check cockpit glass in the flight. Never know what happens.
Worried about Gian. Says he's unhappy and not performing because he doesn't have NFL cheerleaders rooting for him. I told him I pay him a bomb, and he can go get whoever he wants to cheer. He said not a good idea. Look what happened to Cristiano, he says. Am pissed again, need to speak to some presswallahs.
Broke some more competitor bottles and spoke to the press and took a dig at Aguri. Always helps. Pretended like I know a lot about F1. Am so smart, drives me crazy sometimes. Feeling a little better.
Another day, another disaster. Heard SAB Miller's coming out with a brand to take KF head on. To think I named my team after one of their brands. Should have just called them Anitquity Blue Bangalore like I originally planned.
Was pissed again, so spoke to the press again. Feeling much better. Based on Rahul's sms that he's not going to play, said that Rahul and Charu didn't listen to me. Also said that I wanted Misbah and some 'others' in the team. Hope it makes me look good. Love it when I talk like I know stuff.
Note to self: Support ladies sports more. Working with so many men is definitely not my thing.
More bad news, I looked at Rahul's sms again. He said he's not going to play the blame game anymore. I hate cheap whiskey.
Vote here
Monday, October 27
Friday, October 24
Wish all (both) my readers..
The NIFTY chart on 24th October, 2008.
... a very Happy Diwala Diwali! :)
Christ, Gilly!
Ok, say you were an ex-cricketer who was writing an autobiography. You would have to ask yourself two questions:1. Where is the market for this book?
2. How do I make sure it gets sold in this market?
Adam Gilchrist's answers were:
1. India.
2. Write something controversial about Sachin.
Compound that with our tendencies to overdramatize an demi-god-ify and you have the perfect front page story.
[Update Oct 25 5:00 am]
Gilchrist apologizes to Tendulkar. That's what the Times of India claims anyway. However, if you look at this video, the only person using the word 'apology' is the irritating anchor. Gilchrist said that he 'clarified' as his 'remarks were taken out of context'. Makes you think, what drivel we are fed in the name of 'news'.
1. India.
2. Write something controversial about Sachin.
Compound that with our tendencies to overdramatize an demi-god-ify and you have the perfect front page story.
[Update Oct 25 5:00 am]
Gilchrist apologizes to Tendulkar. That's what the Times of India claims anyway. However, if you look at this video, the only person using the word 'apology' is the irritating anchor. Gilchrist said that he 'clarified' as his 'remarks were taken out of context'. Makes you think, what drivel we are fed in the name of 'news'.
Laptop free with every Reliance data card
Based on sheer word-of-mouth, I tend not to trust Reliance Communications and their 'offers'.
This is one such occassion.
This is one such occassion.
Thursday, October 23
Naked irony
I feel really bad for this dude. First, the chimney steals his clothes, and then he gets accused of burglary. Tragic.
Tuesday, October 21
"Mommy, mommy, these Indians are abusing us!"
The fact that this article has Australia acting like sore losers makes it much more sumptuous to the Indian palette.
This has become a staple rant from Ponting's rambling facial orifice. What happened to these excuses when all these years, his idols and legends were sledging the crap out of all of the other teams? What goes around, comes around, Mr P. Indians oozed aggression in this Test, and it showed. The Aussies are now cowering with fear and nowhere is this more obvious than in Hayden's complaining to the umpire as he left the field and Ponting making these kinds of press statements.
The icing on the cake, however, is the ever-diplomatic Mahi:
"A bit of verbal chit-chat is good, because it brings some excitement to the game," he added with a mischievous smile.
Monday, October 20
Smear me terrorist!
John McCain's robo smear campaign is priceless! Here is what it actually says:
"Hello. I'm calling for John McCain and the RNC because you need to know that Barack Obama has worked closely with domestic terrorist Bill Ayers, whose organisation bombed the US Capitol, the Pentagon, a judge's home and killed Americans," says an automated voice on the phone.Just because they wear suits and don't throw microphones at each other, doesn't make them any different from us!
BCCI to give in?
BCCI's shitty treatment of the ICL may soon be a thing of the past if this report is to believed. Says Butt, chairman of the PCB:
The BCCI has been given 21 days to discuss this matter (resolving the IPL / ICL conflict) and come back to the ICC for consideration.
It never made any sense to outlaw another league that sought BCCI's recognition to begin with. However, this will really be tremendous for me on a personal level. No, no, not because I love the ICL or the free market, but because I may finally be able to watch Neo Sports (promoted by BCCI) on my DishTV (promoted by Subhash Chandra).
Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if BCCI continues to strong-arm the world council of the sport. Babus, after all, are babus.
Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if BCCI continues to strong-arm the world council of the sport. Babus, after all, are babus.
Palin meets Palin
Embedded video from CNN Video
Sarah Palin meets Tina Fey. I guess this shows that the Republican Veep candidate has a good sense of humor. But is that enough? At a time when she's attacking the Democratic Presidential candidate on a personal level, she seems to be taking this almost caustic satire against herself rather lightly.
Good luck, Sarah. Hope it works for you.
Wednesday, October 15
Small brains, big heart
There is some poetic antithesis in the first two lines of this piece from IBN Live:
The more you drink, the more your brain shrinks, scientists have said. Many studies have shown that moderate alcohol consumption can be good for heart health.
Essentially what this means is that is what is good for the heart isn't necessarily good for the head. But then we, already knew that didn't we? How many of us have fallen in love? To all us big-hearted fellows, cheers mes amis!
Tuesday, October 14
Dear Mr Andrew McKinlay
If your team abuses our players on a personal level, it's gamesmanship, or as you call it 'sledging'. If our players take some time, they're serial offenders? If we're playing euphemisms, let me call it 'playing for a draw'.
He goes on to say further:
Anyway, we will be sure to extend the same generosity to your 'poor' cricketers who scramble to be brand ambassadors of Indian brands and part of our cricket leagues.
One final thing, get over your mother-in-law obsession, it's really queer.
He goes on to say further:
The poor fans among the crowd paid 150 rupees ($5AU). For many, a full day's wage. They could've witnessed a thrilling victory like Australia's last summer in Sydney or India's in Perth.Bless your magnanimous heart! Unfortuately, you may shocked to know that most of my 'poor' compatriots actually feel happy when their team doesn't lose. It's funny how we third-worlders think, right?
Anyway, we will be sure to extend the same generosity to your 'poor' cricketers who scramble to be brand ambassadors of Indian brands and part of our cricket leagues.
One final thing, get over your mother-in-law obsession, it's really queer.
Wednesday, October 8
Wake up!
Tata tea's ad had a URL for those who have not yet registered for voting.
Check out Jaagore.com in case you haven't registered yet and are interested. It's very simple and easy to understand. An ingenious bit of social marketing to differentiate a commodotized product. It works so well - marvelous!
Check out Jaagore.com in case you haven't registered yet and are interested. It's very simple and easy to understand. An ingenious bit of social marketing to differentiate a commodotized product. It works so well - marvelous!
Reliance BIG jerk TV
All right, so many of you were wondering what the teaser ad above was for. I'm sure many even thought that it was Reliance Big TV's teaser campagin. Wrong! It was actually Bharti trying to create a teaser for it's DTH service. Confused?
That's because Reliance Big TV's ad folks showed immense nimbleness and poor advertising ethics by using the same symbols that Bharti used in its teaser ads (the couch image, and the "See you at home" line). They then proceeded to add some stupid stuff around it like "with over 200 movie channels".
I can understand comparative advertising and even the odd slanderous line here and other, but trying to ride on someone else's ad budget and brand identity by hijacking a teaser campaign is analogous to stealing. I've never really seen the sense in teaser campaigns, and this is a good example of another risk that an overly extended teaser campaign lends itself to. If you choose to classify daylight robbery as a risk, that is.
Bharti would now, I imagine, need to revamp its tag line and identity so as to shake off the confusion that the loose-moralled folks at Big TV have created in the consumer's mind. A good place to get the money would be the compensation they receive after winning the law suit. Big TV - see you in court (with over 32 cinema halls).
Drona - The review
Dear readers,I apologize if you came looking for a detailed review. I will write one as soon as Abhishek (left) and I find and kill the culprit who came up with this grand celebration of idiocy.
The only thing I have say to is that it's a shame that a brilliant musician like Dhruv Ghanekar was wasted on a shitty movie like this. Do yourself a favour and go watch "Who wants to be a superhero?" instead. At least you can change the channel.
Image Courtesy: Masala.com
Wednesday, October 1
BCCI's innovative retirement plan
From IBN Live:
Sourav Ganguly will be a part of the team for the first two Tests Australia series but there is a rider. He will have to quit from Test cricket after the tour.
According to sources, the following conversation motivated this bold move:
Yashpal: Main samajhta hoon ki woh off stump ke baahar badhiya drive karte hain.
Srikanth: Whatdoyousay, we'll retire him after two tests?
Hirwani: *snicker*
Yashpal: Woh bahut acche all rounder hain.
Srikanth: Whatdoyousay, we'll let the media's sources know?
Hirwani: *chuckle*
Yashpal: Main samajtha hoon yeh pull aur hook shot se badhiyar drive hai.
Srikanth: Ok, I will communicate it to whatdoyousay, the media...
Hirwani: *giggle*
Yashpal: Main samajtha hoon.
Hirwani: Now, Mr Ganguly, the tables are turned. Muhahahahahahaha.
For those who don't know why Hirwani was so happy in the selector's meet above, he had publicly criticised Ganguly in the press for not selecting him in the Indian team. Now he is in a position to decide whether the ex-captain should be in the team at all. Ah, poetic (in)justice.
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