Monday, December 30

Product review: L'Oreal Men Expert White Activ Whitening Moisturing Fluid

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(Posted at: http://www.amazon.in/gp/product/B004JOB5IE/)

I was sceptical. It isn't everyday that you find a product that seems to speak out to you. But the 'L'Oreal Men Expert White Activ Whitening Moisturing Fluid' caught my eye when I was harmlessly walking down the street.

Before I used this, I woke up every day of my semi-interesting life with a particular kind of tightness in my skin. This tightness sometimes got so bad that my eyeballs protruded and attractive women and most animals in general looked at me in a kind of disgust. The natural resistance in my skin had waned. The mealnin had stopped being produced. Sometimes I looked up at the moon and felt jealous. It had less dark spots than my pitiful face. Most days my skin was drier than wickets in Mumbai where even Harbhajan Singh took wickets. Because of all these reasons, I had difficulties getting good hits at my profile on shaadi.com, bharatmatrimony and even Google Plus. But those dark days are now behind me.

That fateful night, I applied this cream. On my face.

The next morning, I was in a hurry, so I just left the house without tending to my tight face. As I got out of my house, my 22 year-old neighbour Neha who is an airhostess and professional pole dancer said hello to me. She kissed me on the cheek before I got into the lift. This was strange, because she had never noticed me before. At work, three of my hottest female colleagues were pulled by HR for sexual harassment because of the constant ogling and flirting with me. Even my boss noticed my good work, and smacked by buttocks before announcing the news of my promotion and my new corner office. It was an unbelievable day.

In the evening, the rowdy children playing downstairs hit their plastic cricket ball towards my face. Since I was busy trying to avoid the Bollywood actresses who had gathered under our colony to see me, I didn't notice the ball speeding towards a spot under my left eye, where my dark oiliness usually coagulated. But then something strange happened.

The daily aggression of the cricket ball was propelled by the soothing active ingredient from 'L'Oreal Men Expert White Activ Whitening Moisturing Fluid'. The ball was returned right into play where the batsman responsible for the shot was poetically run out!

When I went home, I saw myself in the mirror and I almost called the police to report the handsome man in the mirror. But I didn't. Here stood a new man (me) - incredibly handsome, whitened, with untight skin on his face, all this with a fluid texture! I shuddered to imagine what would happen in four weeks!

Now I live the good life. I have de-registered from the aforementioned marriage sites, they are just spam to me. No one still looks at my Google Plus profile, but that's probably because it's a Google Plus profile.

I quit my job to follow my passion. I'm a world-famous batsman who doesn't fear a single fast bowler in the world. I don't even need a bat. I just play with my face.

Thank you, L'Oreal Men Expert White Activ Whitening Moisturing Fluid for changing my life. Try it, it might change yours too.

Monday, December 24

The ODI retirement of Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar

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All the recent happenings notwithstanding, it's sad that I won't ever again watch Sachin Tendulkar walk out in India's colours, nor see his name on the scoreboard for a one-day international. I won't ever again feel the anticipation of him walking out to open the innings, squinting at the sky to get his eyes adjusted to the sunlight. I won't wonder if he's going to help us achieve that huge total, get us off to a flying start. His lustre and that of the one-day format might have diminished in recent years, but when I was growing up it his batting in the one-dayers was the most entertaining thing you could watch.

Thank you, Sachin, for all the years we secretly woke up to watch matches in Australia, for the years we stayed late watching you bat in the Caribbean. For the all the times we switched off our TV when you were declared out, because we cared less about the team's chances than about your performances. Not that the two were very disconnected. Thank you for your batsmanship, for standing up to the world's best fast bowlers, spinners and for your cliched lines at so many presentation ceremonies. "It's the team that matters", you've said. It did, it does. But not every die-hard fan of you always thought like that. Your poetry mattered, your ability to whoop ass mattered, your centuries mattered, your records mattered.

Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar, thank you for being a huge part of my generation's childhood. Fare thee well, old man.

Wednesday, October 31

Three weeks without a smartphone

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I thought I'd give it a shot. In the ghostspace between the wait for a new smartphone and the sale of my old one, I experimented with going back to the early 2000's - I used a phone that could only make calls and send messages. And double up as a flashlight. Here's what came of my attempt to live the old days in the new.

Sold my old smartphone. Waiting for a new one. #FirstWorldProblems
The hardest thing was being on the crapper. I just sat there, carrying out nature's business. Gone were the millions of possible apps I could download from app markets. Forgotten was the evil joy of killing all apps lurking in memory even at the cost of general system instability. No more being in touch with the news of the world and labored tweets of attempted humor. Instead I had a grand total of three choices: staring at my thighs, staring at the door or trying to telekinetically move my shoelaces. The only smartphone action that survived was the swipe. After the job was done.

It goes unnoticed how quiet interaction with our personal rectangles of light has become. This became apparent to me when I tried to use my dumbphone in a long meeting to reply to an sms or play the ultimate game of intelligence, skill and conviction - sudoku. Those situations turned into unfortunate Mr Bean episodes. I played the guy who made loud noises, oblivious to the knitted eyebrows and pursed lips of displeasure around me. On occasion, I've even had to go back to attending meetings again.

The lack of social apps also left me feeling a wee bit unsocial. I once traveled in a bus trying my best to focus at the gap between four faces. I've had to wear a fake smile on my not pretty face through 10-11 floors of slow elevator ascent. Strangers aside, people like my brother always accuse me of not responding to their one-word (usually a childhood twist on an expletive) instant messages.

It's not been an easy three weeks, but it ends tomorrow. And brings with it one realization - I'm too dumb to go without a smartphone again.

What do you think - can you live without your smartphone? Leave a comment below.

Thursday, August 9

The Large Hardon Collider Ballad

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Song #3: Not suitable for work or children. Enjoy!

Wednesday, July 11

Maushichi G*** - the remix

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I created a track and remixed the Maushichi G*** to it.
You can also download the original track here: Maushichi G*** soundtrack

Thursday, June 28

Our second music video: White Collar Molar Killer / Bakin' bacon (Heavy metal bacon song)

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Maybe, you don't really like heavy metal. Maybe you are a Coldplay fan. We don't care. we welcome you to subscribe to our Youtube channel and enjoy our bacon song.
Please subscribe if you like it:

Tuesday, June 19

Our Debut Music Video!

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Wondering what I've been busy with recently? No? Well, THAT'S NOT VERY NICE!

Anyway, for those who care (there has to be someone!), I've been getting back in touch with music, the guitar in particular. I'm part of an awesome band: Experimetal.
Please do 'like' our page to get the latest updates.

And here's our first music video!

Please feel free to replay many thousand times, like, share and do all kinds of other nice things to it.